Friday, September 25, 2009

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

As a teenager and into my twenties, I was a big grudge holder. I used to proudly state, "I forgive but I don't forget" and while I had no real sense of what true forgiveness entailed I would hang on to every perceived slight and injustice that was done to me.

The pain of my recurrent miscarriages transformed my life in so many ways. I struggled with tremendous feelings of sadness and depression following my third and final miscarriage. In my quest for healing I stumbled upon the concept that depression was actually feelings of anger and rage turned inward. As I let this concept sink in I realized how truly angry I was.

I was angry at nearly everyone around me but most of all I was angry at myself. I blamed myself and my body so much for my pregnancy losses. Many of us can be so hard on ourselves and others. I tried so hard to work through my anger but nothing really helped until I came across an incredible meditation by Stephen Levine. Its in his amazing is book, "Guided Meditations, Explorations and Healings" (New York, Doubleday, 1991). His beautiful meditation was tremendously healing for me.

If you find yourself holding on to feelings of anger towards someone else or even yourself, I recommend taking some time when you are ready and reading some meditations on forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself because holding onto feelings of resentment and blame will damage you physically and emotionally over time. Our ability to forgive ourselves and others is our healing power.

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