Learning From Vulnerability

The physical vulnerability we experience during miscarriage can feel downright scary and can intensify our grief. Not only are we losing someone we already love and do not want to lose but we experience intense physical pain during the process. Many women find the physical pain of miscarriage so severe they just wish for the process to be over with and then feel guilty for feeling this way. I found the pain of miscarriage to be much more painful than labor because when the miscarriage is completed, sorrow and loss are waiting rather than a new little life. The unfairness of it all is overwhelming. Miscarriage leaves us so vulnerable because we have lost a part of ourselves. We feel physically and emotionally traumatized, which can cause us to feel very vulnerable. As frightening as vulnerability feels, we can learn a lot from this temporary state of helplessness.

• Validate to ourselves why we feel vulnerable. Remember, we have experienced a profound and painful loss, that anyone would find difficult. We are not being weak by struggling with our experience. The fact that we feel so sad and lost is a testament to our capacity to love.
  
• Take stock of what we still have. Although we have lost someone extremely important to us who we never got to meet, there are still others around us who are alive and well and love us. Trying to focus on those relationships that nurture and sustain us can help us feel less lost and alone.
  
• Seek out help from others who understand. While I'm all about being a strong, independent woman, an important part of being strong is asking for help when we need it. Seek out support from others who have been through a similar loss. Allow yourself to find healing from others who have survived the struggles you now face.
  
• Build up our inner strength. Develop the habit of being kind, compassionate and nurturing of yourself at all times. Refuse to criticize yourself. Truly loving the fabulous person you are will make you stronger. Pay attention to activities which bring you joy, and make these activities part of your daily routine. Recognize the strength it takes to overcome this powerful loss. See how strong you are as a result of all you have endured.
  
  
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