One of the huge take-away messages I got from a recent business seminar I attended was that in business and in life, imperfect action is better than no action at all. Sometimes we can get so caught up in trying to be perfect, that it can paralyze us from taking action. The fear of making mistakes is often rooted in a deep-seated fear that you can never be good enough. A friend of mine recently shared with me a quote by Sophia Loren, "Mistakes are the dues one pays for living a full life." I love this quote. When you allow yourself the freedom to take risks and make mistakes, you open yourself up to so many wonderful possibilities and new experiences. Rather than beating yourself up or second-guessing yourself, try to understand how much learning can occur from making a mistake. Mistakes are often necessary to help us see the truth more clearly. The following tips should help.
1) Take responsibility. When you are first confronted with a mistake you've made or a really painful experience, it is natural to feel a sense of "why me?" or to look for someone to blame. Do not beat yourself up for feeling this way, but try to move out of the victim mentality as quickly as possible. It is so much easier to blame someone else for our difficulties, but when we do this we make ourselves small and powerless. Recognize that the only person you can change is yourself. No matter how hopeless your current situation feels, trust that you have the power to make positive changes. If you really feel stuck, seek out the help of a talented professional who can help you look at your life from an objective place (which is so hard for our families & friends to do). Their insights and recommendations can help you see a world of possibilities and changes you can make that you would have been unable to discover on your own.
2) Forgive yourself. Let go of the guilt and refuse to waste time and energy filled with regret or beating yourself up. So you made a mistake, allow yourself to be okay with being imperfect just like everyone else. When you acknowledge your imperfections (without criticizing yourself or talking about yourself in a negative way), you allow yourself to learn from your mistakes in a compassionate way and move forward with greater awareness. Compassion regarding yourself and awareness regarding your motives are key to changing dysfunctional behaviors and beliefs that keep you from living the life you want.
3) Take action with your newfound awareness. Maya Angelou has a beautiful quote, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. " There are so many stages of awareness. Part of my own personal growth, and what I now teach others, has been learning to become aware of negative beliefs and behaviors that are so ingrained in us that we are not even aware of them. We all have blind spots when it comes to our own behaviors and motives. Working with someone who can help you see your blind spots and bring you to a new level of awareness is life changing. Once you become aware of self-defeating behaviors or old, untrue beliefs you have about yourself, you can release them and embrace the beauty and truth of the life you were meant to live.
Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Holding on to Anger?
Many of us have been conditioned since childhood to believe that anger is bad. Women especially are expected to keep the peace in our homes and our relationships and we often feel guilty or ashamed when we feel angry. Yet being honest about our anger and being able to feel it and release it is crucial to our happiness and well-being.
There's a Buddhist expression which states, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
I love this quote because it really captures the idea that when you get stuck in anger the person you are hurting the most is you. Here are some tips to try the next time anger rears its ugly head:
1) Acknowledge your feelings.
Try not be afraid of your anger. Anger is an important indicator that something has happened that feels extremely unfair or that is touching upon an old fear or deep emotional wound. Anger can also be an important motivator to make necessary changes in your life. Anger gets your attention and is your body's way of saying, "What just happened is pretty important! Do not ignore me!"
2) Figure out what happened to make you feel angry.
Pinpoint exactly when and why you started to feel angry. Is it triggering any old wounds from your past? When you feel emotions such as outrage or disgust with another person, try to take a look at why you are reacting this way. What is it about this person or situation that is angering you and what does it reveal about you? Take your angry feelings as a signal to dig deeper and learn more about yourself and what motivates you.
3) Remember the best four letter word when you feel rageful.
I learned this from Nancy Samalin, a parenting expert, who I really admire. Nancy teaches that the best four letter word to use when you feel about to explode is: EXIT. It is also best to state your feelings, "I'm feeling really angry right now and I need some time alone to calm down before I say or do anything else", and exit the situation. I love this approach because it allows you to state how you are feeling (angry), and you ask for what you need (time and space). It also acknowledges the truth that you will not remain angry forever and you will be able to work on the issue more effectively when you have worked through your anger and returned to a calmer state.
4) Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.
When you treat yourself and others compassionately by accepting that it is okay to get angry and make mistakes, you will be able to express and release your feelings, and communicate your needs more openly. When you become skilled at forgiving yourself and others with ease, you give yourself and others a tremendous gift.
Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved
There's a Buddhist expression which states, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
I love this quote because it really captures the idea that when you get stuck in anger the person you are hurting the most is you. Here are some tips to try the next time anger rears its ugly head:
1) Acknowledge your feelings.
Try not be afraid of your anger. Anger is an important indicator that something has happened that feels extremely unfair or that is touching upon an old fear or deep emotional wound. Anger can also be an important motivator to make necessary changes in your life. Anger gets your attention and is your body's way of saying, "What just happened is pretty important! Do not ignore me!"
2) Figure out what happened to make you feel angry.
Pinpoint exactly when and why you started to feel angry. Is it triggering any old wounds from your past? When you feel emotions such as outrage or disgust with another person, try to take a look at why you are reacting this way. What is it about this person or situation that is angering you and what does it reveal about you? Take your angry feelings as a signal to dig deeper and learn more about yourself and what motivates you.
3) Remember the best four letter word when you feel rageful.
I learned this from Nancy Samalin, a parenting expert, who I really admire. Nancy teaches that the best four letter word to use when you feel about to explode is: EXIT. It is also best to state your feelings, "I'm feeling really angry right now and I need some time alone to calm down before I say or do anything else", and exit the situation. I love this approach because it allows you to state how you are feeling (angry), and you ask for what you need (time and space). It also acknowledges the truth that you will not remain angry forever and you will be able to work on the issue more effectively when you have worked through your anger and returned to a calmer state.
4) Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.
When you treat yourself and others compassionately by accepting that it is okay to get angry and make mistakes, you will be able to express and release your feelings, and communicate your needs more openly. When you become skilled at forgiving yourself and others with ease, you give yourself and others a tremendous gift.
Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved
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