The pain of my recurrent miscarriages taught me many life lessons. These lessons have continued to help me when I've faced other painful struggles since. Here are a couple of tips I learned that can help when times get tough:
1) Acknowledge the fear, but do what is required anyway.
I worked through many fears when facing the pain of my miscarriages. I now know the depth of loving someone I will never meet, wanting something so badly and yet having it ripped away from me anyway. Many of my fears were based around the false belief that I had no purpose in life if I could not have a child. I feared that others viewed me with pity and I feared that if I allowed myself to actually cry for as long as I wanted, that I would be unable to stop crying- ever. So many women who have endured miscarriage speak of fearing that they may be going crazy. This fear is based on the inner turmoil of trying to present an outer appearance of calm and normalcy when inside a part of us literally has died.
The truth is that when I allowed myself the time and space to cry for as long as I needed, I did not cry forever. I actually spent a weekend in bed in my pajamas and allowed myself to cry for as long as I needed. I sobbed for hours and hours. I went through several boxes of tissues but the tears eventually stopped and brought cleansing and healing.
Take time to get in touch with your fears. Know that when you feel fearful, some belief that is not the truth is getting in your way. By getting clear about your fears, you can begin to chip away at them and realize that the only way to rid yourself of them is to face them head on.
2) Be honest and authentic.
Prior to my miscarriages I had been a habitual people pleaser.
I used to say "yes" even when I wanted to say "no" and I put my needs last behind everyone else's. During my healing, I realized the harm I was doing to myself emotionally and physically by devaluing myself. I vowed to stop and refused to fake any of my feelings any more.
I began to trust my inner wisdom and share my thoughts honestly. When people asked how I was, I began to tell the truth. I would reply, "I'm actually having a hard time" and sometimes even burst into tears. Did this scare some people away? Yes, it did. But I understood that those who fled were not the people I wanted in my life anyway.
There is a great quote by Dr. Seuss,
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Give yourself the freedom to face your fears and speak your truth, there is nothing more empowering.
Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved
Monday, March 22, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Three Tips To Get Unstuck
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, problems arise in your life and you feel stuck. When you're stuck you're unable to see a positive solution or outcome to your current struggle. With all the inner work I have done over the years, I'm always a bit incredulous when I get to a place of feeling stuck. I usually initially experience anger and frustration and think, "I've already dealt with this issue before and handled it, how is it back in my life again rearing its ugly head?".
The fact is breaking through fears and limiting beliefs is a lifelong process. You get stronger every time you become aware of your fears or old limiting beliefs and find the courage to move beyond them, but the truth is there is no endpoint to personal growth. Here are three tips to help you the next time you feel stuck:
1) Be grateful for your awareness.
You must become aware of what the problem truly is before you can work on changing it. So many people go through life unwilling to examine their lives in any honest way. Gaining awareness about what really is the problem requires a lot of self-honesty and is the first step toward changing and moving forward. If you are self-aware enough to notice that an area of your life is problematic, congratulate yourself on being able to identify the problem. Without your awareness of the problem, change and growth would be impossible.
2) Let go of what no longer serves you well.
Louise Hay is one of my favorite authors. Her book, "You Can Heal Your Life" contains many beautiful affirmations including the following:
"The past has no power over me because I am willing to learn to change. I see the past as necessary to bring me where I am today...I am willing to set myself free. " - Louise Hay
Understand that everything that has happened to you so far in your life, and every choice you've made, has made you the person you are today. Self-sabotaging feelings like guilt, blame, judgement and regret serve no other purpose than keeping you stuck and unhappy.
3) Take responsibility and action.
A good way to get unstuck is figuring out what action you can take to move beyond the pain of your current circumstances. Ask yourself, "What is my work to do?". One of the many falsehoods of feeling stuck is that you feel powerless to take action or impact your situation in any positive way. When you feel this way, remind yourself that this is not the truth. No matter how bleak or hopeless things look, you always have the power to make positive changes. When you take responsibility and action from a loving place, you will begin to move beyond your fear and see positive and accurate possibilities.
Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved
The fact is breaking through fears and limiting beliefs is a lifelong process. You get stronger every time you become aware of your fears or old limiting beliefs and find the courage to move beyond them, but the truth is there is no endpoint to personal growth. Here are three tips to help you the next time you feel stuck:
1) Be grateful for your awareness.
You must become aware of what the problem truly is before you can work on changing it. So many people go through life unwilling to examine their lives in any honest way. Gaining awareness about what really is the problem requires a lot of self-honesty and is the first step toward changing and moving forward. If you are self-aware enough to notice that an area of your life is problematic, congratulate yourself on being able to identify the problem. Without your awareness of the problem, change and growth would be impossible.
2) Let go of what no longer serves you well.
Louise Hay is one of my favorite authors. Her book, "You Can Heal Your Life" contains many beautiful affirmations including the following:
"The past has no power over me because I am willing to learn to change. I see the past as necessary to bring me where I am today...I am willing to set myself free. " - Louise Hay
Understand that everything that has happened to you so far in your life, and every choice you've made, has made you the person you are today. Self-sabotaging feelings like guilt, blame, judgement and regret serve no other purpose than keeping you stuck and unhappy.
3) Take responsibility and action.
A good way to get unstuck is figuring out what action you can take to move beyond the pain of your current circumstances. Ask yourself, "What is my work to do?". One of the many falsehoods of feeling stuck is that you feel powerless to take action or impact your situation in any positive way. When you feel this way, remind yourself that this is not the truth. No matter how bleak or hopeless things look, you always have the power to make positive changes. When you take responsibility and action from a loving place, you will begin to move beyond your fear and see positive and accurate possibilities.
Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved
Sunday, March 7, 2010
What's Really the Truth?
There's a biblical quote, "know the truth and the truth shall set you free." But in time of great stress or loss, it can feel nearly impossible to see the truth. Fear, worry and doubt are often our companions when life gets really difficult and this can blind us from the truth. This lack of clarity due to our fears, worries, and doubts can make it nearly impossible to see a solution to our suffering. You may feel alone with whatever you are struggling with but the truth is you are not alone. Here are a few tips to help you see the truth during the tough times:
1) It helps to get a bit introspective... To see the truth, you have to be willing to look inward and be honest with yourself. You may have parts of yourself that you feel ashamed or guilty about and it helps to learn to identify these areas. Getting really clear and honest with yourself will help you get to the truth. It can be extremely uncomfortable to identify your deepest fears and shortcomings (some people are so unwilling to do this that they remain unable to move forward or make positive changes).
When you become aware of your negative beliefs and fears, you can drown them with the truth. For example, If deep down you feel like you are not good enough (most people feel this on some level) you need to embrace the truth that you are enough just as you are in this moment.
2)...But don't isolate yourself. When dealing with an extremely painful experience, you may feel raw and vulnerable. You may instinctively want to withdraw from others but that is the exact opposite of what you need. Introspection and quiet time are important to figure out what you're feeling and what you want, but you also need to be able to accept help from others. Talking about your feelings with people who are supportive, knowledgeable, and will help you move forward is essential. A strong support system will help you see the truth that you are not alone and that there are solutions to your problems. Be particular about the people with whom you choose to surround yourself. Those who want you to stay stuck because it threatens them when you change are not the support system you need.
3) Make changes with your newfound awareness. If you are in the habit of being critical of yourself or others, vow to stop this behavior immediately. Criticism is not based on the truth but is actually rooted in fear. Choose to speak only the truth to yourself and others. The loneliness and sadness of deep pain can only be healed when you learn to love yourself well and surround yourself with others capable of loving you well. Love will help you move past the fear and see the truth of what is truly possible.
Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved
1) It helps to get a bit introspective... To see the truth, you have to be willing to look inward and be honest with yourself. You may have parts of yourself that you feel ashamed or guilty about and it helps to learn to identify these areas. Getting really clear and honest with yourself will help you get to the truth. It can be extremely uncomfortable to identify your deepest fears and shortcomings (some people are so unwilling to do this that they remain unable to move forward or make positive changes).
When you become aware of your negative beliefs and fears, you can drown them with the truth. For example, If deep down you feel like you are not good enough (most people feel this on some level) you need to embrace the truth that you are enough just as you are in this moment.
2)...But don't isolate yourself. When dealing with an extremely painful experience, you may feel raw and vulnerable. You may instinctively want to withdraw from others but that is the exact opposite of what you need. Introspection and quiet time are important to figure out what you're feeling and what you want, but you also need to be able to accept help from others. Talking about your feelings with people who are supportive, knowledgeable, and will help you move forward is essential. A strong support system will help you see the truth that you are not alone and that there are solutions to your problems. Be particular about the people with whom you choose to surround yourself. Those who want you to stay stuck because it threatens them when you change are not the support system you need.
3) Make changes with your newfound awareness. If you are in the habit of being critical of yourself or others, vow to stop this behavior immediately. Criticism is not based on the truth but is actually rooted in fear. Choose to speak only the truth to yourself and others. The loneliness and sadness of deep pain can only be healed when you learn to love yourself well and surround yourself with others capable of loving you well. Love will help you move past the fear and see the truth of what is truly possible.
Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved
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