Many of us have been programmed to believe we must take care of everyone else before we take care of ourselves. Yet if we want to create a life filled with happiness and joy, putting our needs last is a very poor strategy. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. After my miscarriages, I had to ask myself a lot of tough questions and examine my patterns of interactions with others that were not serving me well. One thing I used to do regularly was put everyone else's needs ahead of my own. As a result I often felt resentful and depleted.
Change did not come overnight but I have become much better over the years at figuring out what I want and need and practicing good self care. If this is something you struggle with, keep the following in mind:
1) Gain awareness of your behavior. Try to listen to your body and pay attention to how you feel physically and emotionally when you put others' needs ahead of your own. Do you notice a tightness and tension in your chest or another part of your body? When you give endlessly without nurturing your own needs for rest, health, love, and joy- you will eventually deplete your energy and experience all kinds of negative emotions and physical problems.
2) Notice the positive effects of taking care of yourself.
Do you feel a sense of contentment when you nurture yourself? You may realize that the things that make you happiest are often pretty simple- giving yourself time for exercise you enjoy, getting plenty of rest, and exploring your interests and passions. Notice how much lighter you feel physically and mentally when you pay attention to what you want and honor your needs. When you feel strong and nurtured, you are so much better equipped to give to others.
3) Remember, any time of loss or tumultuous period in your life always offers an opportunity for personal growth. As difficult as the painful times are, tremendous personal insight can be gained when you treat yourself with patience and compassion. Give yourself the time and space to experience all of your feelings. This time may also help you to uncover your deepest fears and desires. When you learn to honor your needs, you will allow yourself to see the truth and the tremendous gifts you already possess
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