What's That Fear About?

My daughters have the day off tomorrow in honor of the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday. We've been talking a lot about Martin Luther King, Jr., the Civil Rights Movement, and people like Rosa Parks and how brave they were. They must have been filled with incredible fear at times. But they were able to find the strength to break through their fears and as a result of their courage, so many millions of lives have been changed in a positive way. I love the image of Rosa Parks sitting in her bus seat after a long day of work and the courage it took for her to refuse to give up her seat to a white man. "I knew someone had to take the first step and I made up my mind not to move." she would later say. Her decision was filled with all sorts of negative consequences for her in that moment. Yet years later, she remains a symbol of an incredibly brave woman who stood up for what was right regardless of her fear and the negative personal consequences she had to endure.

For many of us, our greatest fear comes down to what other people will think of us. That fear of being judged by others often underlies our inability to move forward in our lives and create the change we seek. If you are feeling stuck in a certain area of your life ask yourself the following:

What am I really afraid of?

So many of us spend a huge portion of our lives running from our deepest fears. We use all kinds of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as eating too much, numbing ourselves with alcohol, drugs, shopping, or workaholism to try to avoid our fears. Your fear will always have control over you until you gain enough self-awareness to figure out what is at the root of your fear. It can be extremely challenging work to figure out what you are really afraid of and it involves a lot of introspection and honesty. Sometimes it will involve working with a talented therapist, coach, or mentor to help you figure out the root cause of your fear and how it is stopping you from creating the life that you want.

Part of my personal transformation after my miscarriages involved letting go of my fears and needs around pleasing other people. My struggle included learning to speak up for myself and not holding my thoughts inside for fear of what others would think. I still struggle at times, but I have learned through experience that when I begin to feel afraid to speak my mind, that an old fear has crept back in and I need to speak up and share my thoughts honestly. When we are honest with each other, even when we disagree, a deeper level of understanding and acceptance can occur.

It takes tremendous strength to face your fears and admit when you feel vulnerable. You have to ask yourself if the pain of facing your fears and creating change is stronger than the pain of remaining where you are. Life will always be filled with new struggles, challenges and opportunities. True fulfillment lies in facing our fears and finding joy in the journey.

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