Four Ways To Reduce Anxiety

Research shows that anxiety may be a bigger issue than depression for many women after miscarriage. As I look at my own experience and the experience of others, I can see the truthfulness of these findings. Yes, pain, grief and depression are huge and understandable emotions after any loss-- but the unexpectedness of miscarriage, the many questions that remain unanswered about why the miscarriage occurred, and the lack of control many of feel provoke a lot of anxiety. Here are a few tips for easing our troubled minds:

1) Stay in the Moment.
Do not get ahead of yourself. Many of us are planners and we may feel more relaxed once our future is mapped out and organized. Although a sense of control over the future may assuage our feelings of anxiety- the truth is that so many factors are beyond our control. After my first miscarriage I lived in constant fear of the future- I felt terrified that I might have to endure another miscarriage and felt certain that this would be something I would never be able to survive. My constant worrying did not prevent my subsequent miscarriages and I surprised myself by being physically and emotionally stronger than I had feared.
I love a lot about the whole Alcoholics Anonymous philosophy and I think their mantra of "taking one day at a time" is so helpful for all of us. The more we can stay in the present moment and trust in our ability to handle whatever comes our way- the more manageable our lives will feel.

2) Positive Affirmations.
I get a lot of flack from some people about this one. It reminds them of the old Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, (played by Al Franken) who would repeat to himself, "I'm good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me". He was a fairly memorable and mildly amusing character. All kidding aside, I am a firm believer in thinking well of ourselves and sending positive messages to ourselves throughout the day. When we start paying attention to how we talk to ourselves- it is often astounding to realize how negative and harsh we can be. When we focus on all that we have already done in a day rather than focusing on all that we have yet to accomplish- our sense of ourselves will be much more balanced.

3) Visualizations.
This week on top of my normally busy schedule, I was asked to do two presentations and I was responsible for hosting two parties. I started panicking a bit mid week about how I would get everything done. I reminded myself that all of these tasks were actually fun activities which I enjoy and that I needed to follow my own advice and not get ahead of myself with worry. Whenever my mind would wander to thoughts of the presentations or the parties I would visualize all going smoothly and being a big success. I am happy to report that as I finish writing my blog, my parties and presentations are behind me. They were all enjoyable and went as successfully as I had visualized.

4) Let Go of Perfectionism.
Again, so many of us have such high expectations for ourselves that our anxiety level is bound to go sky-high when we try to do everything perfectly. Letting go of our need to do everything perfectly and being okay with being "good enough" in certain areas of our lives can be extremely freeing. The more we can accept ourselves the way we are, rather than having some ideal version of ourselves that we can never possibly measure up to- the less anxious we will feel during times of stress and the more we will be able to enjoy our times of ease.


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