Lessons Fear and Pain Taught Me...

The pain of my recurrent miscarriages taught me many life lessons. These lessons have continued to help me when I've faced other painful struggles since. Here are a couple of tips I learned that can help when times get tough:

1) Acknowledge the fear, but do what is required anyway.

I worked through many fears when facing the pain of my miscarriages. I now know the depth of loving someone I will never meet, wanting something so badly and yet having it ripped away from me anyway. Many of my fears were based around the false belief that I had no purpose in life if I could not have a child. I feared that others viewed me with pity and I feared that if I allowed myself to actually cry for as long as I wanted, that I would be unable to stop crying- ever. So many women who have endured miscarriage speak of fearing that they may be going crazy. This fear is based on the inner turmoil of trying to present an outer appearance of calm and normalcy when inside a part of us literally has died.

The truth is that when I allowed myself the time and space to cry for as long as I needed, I did not cry forever. I actually spent a weekend in bed in my pajamas and allowed myself to cry for as long as I needed. I sobbed for hours and hours. I went through several boxes of tissues but the tears eventually stopped and brought cleansing and healing.

Take time to get in touch with your fears. Know that when you feel fearful, some belief that is not the truth is getting in your way. By getting clear about your fears, you can begin to chip away at them and realize that the only way to rid yourself of them is to face them head on.

2) Be honest and authentic.

Prior to my miscarriages I had been a habitual people pleaser.
I used to say "yes" even when I wanted to say "no" and I put my needs last behind everyone else's. During my healing, I realized the harm I was doing to myself emotionally and physically by devaluing myself. I vowed to stop and refused to fake any of my feelings any more.

I began to trust my inner wisdom and share my thoughts honestly. When people asked how I was, I began to tell the truth. I would reply, "I'm actually having a hard time" and sometimes even burst into tears. Did this scare some people away? Yes, it did. But I understood that those who fled were not the people I wanted in my life anyway.

There is a great quote by Dr. Seuss,

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Give yourself the freedom to face your fears and speak your truth, there is nothing more empowering.

Copyright 2010 @ Miscarriage Support System - All Rights Reserved